Me mentalities and long lost friendships...

You know, lots of things change when you become a parent. No, not necessarily for everyone...but lots of things SHOULD change when you become a parent. For instance, your number one priority should no longer be yourself, but your child. Each decision you make should be made with them in mind (because each decision you make effects them directly). Some may say "but you can't live your life for others." While I agree that you should not try and please everyone constantly, I don't think your children equate into that statement. When you have a child, you are bringing a living individual into the world. This child didn't get a say, he/she didn't petition to be brought into you care...he/she comes into the world with no knowledge of what to expect and it is our responsibility to teach them all of these things. I believe parenthood means that your priorities should change drastically. A Friday night that used to be spent hanging in a local bar with a friend or three should be traded in for a Friday night spent doing family related things. I'm not saying you should never have time to yourself, because any parent knows that "me" time is like oxygen...but think about this: each night that you willingly give up so that you can "party" and "have fun" is a night of opportunity you never get back. What do you gain by being out on the town? Sadly, in today's society more and more parents still have a "me" mentality and I believe that has a lot to do with why children have so many problems with growing up and accepting responsibilities. How much of an adult can you be when your parents have refused to let go of their own childish ways? 

Sadly, in becoming a parent I have quickly discovered that most of my friends from my pre-baby days do not accept/condone my lack of "me" mentality. Friends that used to talk to me quite often have lost interest and/or lost touch (or stopped talking to me all together). It seems that in having a family and deciding that I want to be dedicated to my family, I somehow severed an invisible tie to the life I had before. A life full of friends that I loved (and still love). I hate that as we grow older, we can't mature with one another and remain friends...and I know that isn't always the case. However, I can say that I'm very thankful for new friends. Friends that share the same mentality I have. Friends that love and appreciate both me and my child(ren). I've realized that I have spent so much time wondering what more I can do to reach out to people who I haven't been able to reach and I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing I can do. If someone doesn't view me and my family as something worth investing in, no amount of pretty words or offers of "catching up" will convince them otherwise. It does make me sad to say these things, because there are so many people who are dear to me that otherwise seem to have "forgotten" I'm here. A friend of mine going through a similar situation commented on (of all places) a facebook post the other day and got me thinking about this. The post said ""as people grow up, they realize it becomes less important to have more friends, and more important to have REAL ones"
and the response that struck a chord in me was as follows "The real ones will be honest, committed, and caring no matter what. The others will put on a show and eventually quit working at the friendship, so let them fade. Don't hate that it's gone, just enjoy the friendship for the season. Always be good to everyone, but when the treatment is equally reciprocated, you'll know which friends are real!" 

I've decided to go forth with this attitude: if someone chooses not to be friends with me any more, I will let them fade away. I won't live in regret for the faded friendship, but instead in thankfulness for all of the time that it did last (and what that has meant to me). I will continue to pray for my loved ones, despite friendship "status" and will rejoice in the seasons of life. Who knows...perhaps down the road when my seasons change again, I will find my path crossing with my friends again. I think being able to do these things is another part of growing up each of us have to face at some point. I'm glad to have the maturity to do so, even if the realization of it is so hurtful.